i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
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