his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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