And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
