I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
