Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
