I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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