they need to just BURY HIM!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
