I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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