So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
