for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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