Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I AM VODKA MAN
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
