I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
