Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
