I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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