Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
