from now on my penis is your penis
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize