I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
