Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
