Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
