I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
