Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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