i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
