their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
