We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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