Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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