So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
