So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize