Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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