I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize