Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
