Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize