"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
