Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
