I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
