I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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