So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
