This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
