4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
