I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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