we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
