i wish peter jackson would direct porn
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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