She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
