He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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