i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
