wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize