I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
