having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
