are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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