I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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