We're like a lot better than the average bears
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
