I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
