Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
