and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
