I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
