I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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