When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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