She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
