He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
