I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize