I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
