It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i think i have two assholes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
