Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you didnt know i had herpes?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
