just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
