I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
