Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
