p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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