The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
