just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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