I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
