onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
