so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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